Jokes to end your weekdays !

When u get this sms, send it 2
1 person u love,
1 u hate,
1 u always think of
& 1 u wish 2 kill..

…..Now keep guessin y i sent it 2 U.

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it ” Boss ”
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? ”
6. Answer calmly, “Yes,” and press the mouse button firmly….
7. Feeling better?

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil
in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any other way to marry your daughter

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads “We may
never piss this way again.”

Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

Q: What’s the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I’ll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I’ll raise it to
6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say “Uh-huh” or “Yes dear” or “I’m sorry” ?

Pilot asking permission to land said, “Guess who?”
Controller switches the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”

Joke : Why is it always black people?

There were a total of 15 passengers boarding a small plane on their way to Florida.

One black mother and her child were on their way to visit relatives while the other passengers consisted of the KKK on their way to a convention.

The plane took off and after flying for approximately 12 minutes when an announcement came over the intercom from the pilot saying:

We have overloaded this flight.
We are going to have to start throwing luggage out the window so the p lane won’t go down.’

Two minutes later you could see luggage being thrown out the window.

Five minutes after that, the pilot made a second announcement.

‘We are still experiencing problems. We’re sorry, but the plane is still overloaded and we’re going to have to get rid of some of the weight so the plane won’t go down.’

‘We’re going to have to ask some passengers to jump out of the window when we call you by your name. To make it fair, we’ll go alphabetically. We’ll star t with A. Will all the African Americans please jump now?’

The black woman and her child continued to sit.

The pilot came over the intercom system.

‘Next is B. Will all the Black people please jump now’?

The Black woman and child continued to sit.

The pilot came over the intercom system again..

‘Next is C. Will all the colored people please jump now? ‘

All the KKK was now staring at the mother and child. The black woman and child continued to sit.

The child then looked up at her Mom and said:

‘Mom aren’t we all of those?’

The mother then replied to her daughter,

‘Baby, we niggers tonight and the K’s come before the N’s.’

Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

mountain-bike

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun.
6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. Its best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don’t need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If your’re with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you’ve got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once your’re over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That’s why some of them are called Mountin Bikes.